The Joys of Kids
by TheEverHummingGirl
Summary: A collection of humorous one-shots on what life would be like if Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz had survived, were living at 7th heaven, and making things very interesting for everyone.
1. Chapter 1

The following is a collection of humorous mini one-shots written by my sister, (.net/u/1457319/BlueWings92) and I. Our take on what life would be like if Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz had survived, were living at 7th heaven, and making things very interesting for everyone.

Characters are OOC but they were purposely written that way because of the humor.

We don't own Final Fantasy VII but it we did Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz would still be alive.

00000000000000

**"Parents are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life." ~ Author Unknown**

Chapter 1:

The sound of feet came thundering up the stairs and Cloud's bedroom door was thrown open.

"Cloud, come quick!" Kadaj yelled. "Marlene set the kitchen on fire!"

A grumpy looking, messy blond head popped out from under the blankets and glared at him.

"Trying to get me out of bed, huh?" Cloud growled.

Kadaj tried his best to look earnest.

"Think back a few months, Kadaj," Said Cloud. "That was you."

Not to be foiled so easily Kadaj tried again.

"Tifa wants you to take the kids to school."

Cloud glared daggers.

"It's four in the morning and the kids don't go to school on Sunday."

Kadaj could help one last attempt at rousing his big brother.

"I think Yazoo is raiding the liquor cabinet," He reported gleefully.

Cloud pulled a pillow over his head.

"Think back again, Kadaj. That was you," Came the muffled answer.

Kadaj turned and stomped out, slamming the door.

"Dammit!"


	2. Chapter 2

The following is a collection of humorous mini one-shots written by my sister and I. Our take on what life would be like if Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz had survived, were living at 7th heaven, and making things very interesting for everyone.

Characters are OOC but they were purposely written that way because of the humor.

We don't own Final Fantasy VII but it we did Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz would still be alive.

**"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." ~ Lane Olinhouse**

Chapter 2:

Tifa was sitting at the bar enjoying a few minutes of peace and quiet. The boys had been unnaturally quiet for a while now and she wasn't sure she wanted to know why. She had just about convinced herself to check on them when the silence was broken.

"Hey, Tifa," Kadaj yelled from the kitchen.

Tifa didn't like the way his voice sounded. It was just a little too cheerful, gleeful. The way it always sounded right before he told her something she wished she hadn't heard.

"What," She called. It wasn't a question. She was waiting for the punch line. It came.

"Does Clorox and whiskey take blood out of hard wood floors?"He asked innocently.

Her eyes narrowed. He was definitely gleeful.

"Who's bleeding on my floor?" She demanded.

"No one!" Was his immediate answer.

Tifa sat and seethed. That boy lived to annoy her.

"Dirty, no good, Liar," Was her answer as she reluctantly went to investigate. "Heavy on the no good part. And also on the suspiciously happy sounding voice!"

By that time however, Kadaj was already half way to Wutai.


	3. Chapter 3

The following is a collection of humorous mini one-shots written by my sister and I. Our take on what life would be like if Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz had survived, were living at 7th heaven, and making things very interesting for everyone.

Characters are OOC but they were purposely written that way because of the humor.

We don't own Final Fantasy VII but it we did Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz would still be alive.

"**Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth." – Unknown**

Chapter 3:

Cloud was sitting at the kitchen table eating his lunch and taking a break. He had been hard at work for several hours making some adjustments to Fenrir. He was half way through his sandwich and had just taken a large gulp of water when Loz's voice called from the garage.

"Hey, Cloud. Lighter fuel and gasoline both work the same for starting fires, right?"

Cloud swallowed, and then frowned. Sometimes Loz wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Yes," He answered, wondering what on earth the boy was up to this time.

The next question however made him choke on his sandwich.

"Well, does that mean that they both work the same if you put them in say, a motorcycle?"

Sandwich forgotten Cloud leapt up from his chair and ran for the garage.

"Let me tell you how dead you're going to be if there is one drop of lighter fuel in my motorcycle!" He  
>yelled.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Yes, it has been over a year and a half since I last updated. I'll just say that life happens and mine got busy.

_Everything__ is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.__  
>- Will Rogers<em>

It was when Tifa was cleaning the bathroom that she first noticed. She happened to bump some of the shampoo bottles sitting on the edge if the bathtub and when they fell over she realized that they were empty – well, a lot emptier than they had been that morning when she had taken her shower.

Tifa was not a vain woman; she didn't spend that much time on her appearance or hair but she had found one brand of shampoo in particular that worked wonders. It also happened to be quite expensive and it was that bottle, plus the matching conditioner, that were nearly gone. Just to be sure, she picked each one up and gave it an experimental shake. The tiny bit that sloshed in the bottom of each wasn't even enough for one more hair washing.

She was on the war path.

When you lived in a house with three teenage boys who were more obsessed with their looks than you were it wasn't hard to figure out who to blame.

Those boys were down stairs in the kitchen eating lunch and they all heard Tifa coming down the stairs.

Loz looked slightly worried.

"Do you think she noticed the shampoo?" He whispered to Kadaj who was sitting across from him admiring his reflection on the back of the spoon he had used to eat his pudding cup.

Kadaj glared at him in annoyance.

"Of course she noticed."

Loz's eyes widened.

"What do we do?"

Kadaj didn't answer. He had gone back to the spoon again and was running a hand lovingly over his shiny silver hair.

Yazoo, who had been silent up until this point, spoke up.

"Act normal and don't admit anything."

Loz nodded and picked up his sandwich.

Just then, the back door opened and in walked Marlene from the yard where she had been playing with Denzel.

The sunlight streaming through the open door lit up the boys' hair and to Marlene it glittered like tinsel.

Her eyes widened and she walked towards them.

Yazoo stopped eating and looked down at Marlene who was standing by his chair staring in awe.

"Yes?"

"Can I play with your hair, please?" She asked hopefully.

Yazoo considered the request.

"Are your hands clean?" He questioned.

She nodded.

"Okay."

Marlene was dragging a chair up next to Yazoo when Tifa finally reached the kitchen door way.

Loz was suddenly very interested in his food and Kadaj was still in love with the sight of his own face and didn't even look up.

"Do any of you know what happened to my shampoo and conditioner?" She knew but she wanted to see if the silver haired trio would actually own up to using it.

"Maybe Cloud used it." Loz gulped.

Yazoo kicked him underneath the table.

Tifa's eyes narrowed.

"Cloud has his own shampoo."

Then she looked at Kadaj.

"Do you have anything to say?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment and then shrugged.

"Eh, I've got nothing."

Suddenly, Marlene spoke up. She had been absorbed with braiding Yazoo's hair, completely oblivious to the conversation taking place.

"Yazoo, your hair smells just like Tifa's shampoo." She then buried her nose in a fist full of the silver strands and inhaled.

The look on Tifa's face could have peeled paint.

She glared at the three boys angrily while Yazoo stared back, shamelessly unrepentant.

"You three owe me a new shampoo and conditioner." She insisted before turning and stomping back up the stairs as noisily as she'd come down them.

Kadaj shrugged carelessly.

"It's not our fault we were created with such beautiful hair."


End file.
